I completed the majority of this piece on the weekend of my 40th birthday. I’m typically a very social person who celebrates in a “the more, the merrier” style. but this particular birthday came on the heels of a couple really tough months.
A longtime friend was murdered; it was completely senseless. It was an act of domestic violence that no one saw coming. 2 kids lost their mom. A large community of friends lost a beloved ray of light. I lost a pillar of friendship that supported me through multiple pivotal life events. It felt unreal. A very intense period of depression followed pretty quickly after.
My 40th birthday came and went in the midst of this. All I wanted at the time was to get away from everything, to quiet my mind. So, my husband and I rented a tiny cabin on the lake, packed up a cooler and some clothes and left town for the weekend. I slept unusually well. I would wake up in the morning, make coffee and set up a painting area on the tiny patio. That’s when this came pouring out- my understanding of life and death, light and dark, sadness and strength. They are all always flowing in and around each other. One will never be experienced without the other. The hot rush of tears in night; water forcefully carving it’s way through the creek bed; seeds germinated in cracks, growing into roots that can rip through masonry and tree limbs that reach wildly for light in the sunny sky.
“Death smiles at us all, but all a man can do is smile back.”